


Growth

by lostin_space



Series: quick little doodles [17]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Fluff, Insecurity, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 00:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: "Can I tell you a secret?""Always."





	Growth

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Always."

Alex grabbed Michael's hand and brought it to his lips, closing his eyes to the sound of him breathing steadily to find his words. He could hardly see him, the dark of the night sealing them away from the world. It was just them and the contents of the airstream. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered.

"Max and Isobel knew about us," Michael admitted softly. Alex froze but didn't speak. He wasn't quite sure where this was headed and he had a bad track record of assuming. "I didn't tell them, they just knew."

"That's the secret?" Alex asked softly. He heard the pillow rustling as he shook his head.

"No. The secret is I'm confused," he admitted, "I don't know how long they knew or how long they watched me destroy myself when you were gone. At some point in the last decade, they noticed I was missing you so bad that it hurt, and they didn't care."

"Guerin..."

"And I keep thinking about how torn up Isobel was when she realized Max had been unhappy since Liz left, but... she had to know I was unhappy without you too, right? Like, she made a joke about how obvious I was. It was a joke. I was hurting and it was a joke."

Alex wrapped his arms around him, tugging him in until his head was firmly beneath his chin. He cradled him. He deserved to be cradled for a moment at the very least.

Alex didn't know what to say and it was clear that Michael had been sitting on these thoughts for a while. He had no way to rationalize it in a way that wasn't cruel. Either the people Michael lived for purposely chose not to check in with him for years when they were aware he was hurting, or they chose to ignore it all together.

"She said it was easy, you know? Easy to go on with life where she was happily married, Max was unhappy, and I was a murderer," Michael whispered, clutching onto Alex like his life depended in it. And maybe it did. "Life was good for them when I was fucked up and murderous. They want me that way."

"I don't think they want you that way. They do love you, Guerin, just... in a complicated way," Alex said, though he didn't think his words were good enough. He had a few things he'd like to say to Isobel and Max if he got the chance, but he wasn't sure he had any room to talk. He wasn't much better.

"I'm selfish too, though. I let Max hurt. I let you hurt. Fuck, I hurt everyone myself," Michael sighed. Alex wanted to protest, but he decided against it once he realized that on some level Michael was right. Ignoring that wouldn't be helpful.

"We've all made mistakes, we've all hurt people. It's how you grow from that that matters," Alex whispered. He didn't mention that he didn't think Max and Isobel were aware of their wrongdoings when it came to Michael, but he knew Michael saw it and didn't want to poor salt in the wound.

"Am I growing properly?" he asked softly, the still silence making it weigh that much more. Alex combed through his hair and let his mind sift through the last 24 hours. Their nice date, how they'd split the bill, how Michael had politely asked him to stay over, and how willing he was to _talk_ because he was tired of hurting other people. It was one hell of a testament to his growth.

"Yeah, I think you are," Alex told him. Michael's body physically released tension, like weight was lifted off of him at the reassurance that he hadn't gone past the point of no return. Alex smiled.

He hoped Michael would smile soon too.

"Okay. Then I'll be okay."


End file.
